Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
