Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
