can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
