"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
