Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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