all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Houston, we have a blender
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
