Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
