we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
