when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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