Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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