You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
