Those balls look pretty dangerous.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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