I bet he comes in French.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize