I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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