I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
