i think my tv is drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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