Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
