My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
whose ass print is on the piano?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
