I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
