This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
