There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize