He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
