You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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