...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
