4 words: hood of his car
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
