Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
