By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They have beer where we have blood.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
