I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
