he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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