Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
