He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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