i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
