I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize