dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
