I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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