hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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