My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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