She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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