I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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