have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
