The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
