do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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