she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
