last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
