Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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