Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
