i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize