I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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