So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
