how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
