Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
