bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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