we have pet lesbian snakes
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
