See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
