I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
