I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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