For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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