Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize