wanna go halves on a baby?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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