So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently you make a good broom.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
