we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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