one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
