with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
