THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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