you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
