im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
