Whod you bang
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
