just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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