i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
