may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
