I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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