You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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