Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm both gender and math confused
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
