The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
