Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
