I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
