Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
