Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
