my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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