Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
