you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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