Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize
