Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
