The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
