Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
