Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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