Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Congratulations! We have a period
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