You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
