She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
