Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
