i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
