babies were throwing up all over the place
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
