Whoa Z and x make the same sound
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
