I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
