That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Drake has all the answers
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize