windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
