Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
