he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
