You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
