I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
