Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
