I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
