I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
