There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
