Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize