Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
