I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
