i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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