Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
